How Harry Potter Became 'The Boy Who Lived'
by The Winter Wizard
Summary: This is a slight parody on how Harry Potter became 'The Boy Who Lived' first time around, and how he defeated Voldermort when just a baby. Contains some bad language and mild references of violence. Rated T to be safe! No Slash


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter nor do I condone or support putting innocent babies into dangerous situations just to stop a war. This is meant to be just for fun, so no flames please!

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The self-styled Dark Lord Voldermort stood before the cradle that contained all his troubles – namely the prophesied threat that would overthrow his rightful rule of Magical and Muggle Britain. Of course, he did not want to stop with only the damn island but it was his first step and would pave the way for greater and better things to come.

But first, he had to contend with this new opponent. Apparently, his incompetent spy – one Potions Master, Severus Snape – had revealed to him that the Divination Teacher, a seer, had given a prophecy which said that this pathetic baby would be the only one to stand in his way. It was either that or the runt of the Longbottoms but he had already taken care of them and the Potters had proved to be much more of a challenge than they had.

The Longbottoms specialized in Herbology as their family trade and were more of a 'stay by the stuff' couple who aided the sick and wounded in the war as doctors and nurses. Besides, their only son was premature and when the Mediwitch had scanned him – his spies had informed his majesty that the runt was most probably a squib.

Only a faint and worthless flicker of magic was found in the boy so the Potters were his only target. In addition, the Potters had made him look like a fool three times. First was an ambush that he stumbled into. The second was a severely damaging assault on a supply train to feed their forces. And the next one defeated five core wizards of Voldermort's inside circle.

Needless to say, Voldermort was pissed with them but hadn't had the time to get his revenge. That bastard manipulator Dumbledore had made sure of it but the old codger was now pushed back on all sides and trapped in his precious Hogwarts. It was a good thing the prophecy was told to him so now the Dark Lord had a good enough excuse to kill a minor wizard family.

Not that he needed one but it would seem pathetic for the Dark King to stoop so low when there were bigger problems to deal with. No matter. His plan was almost finished now, his goals nearly succeeded. The Lord Potter and his useless slut were dead, slain where they stood. No amount of defiant battle cries or snivelling pleas for mercy would spare them from his righteous wrath.

At last he had come what he was looking for – the keystone to bringing down his reign and the only threat to his Dark Kingdom. Voldermort found himself smirking as he stared down, at first in disbelief, at the mere baby who was gurgling in his cradle. He wore a cotton night gown and looked to have been just about to fall asleep before the Dark Lord broke into the home.

He was now wide awake but Voldermort was surprised to see not one single trace of fear or alarm in the baby's electric green eyes. Voldermort could not suppress a shudder and fought to calm himself. Wizards of the Light would pour into the Potter Home any minute now so he had to act fast.

Glancing down at the boy, he noticed a thin scar shaped like a lightning bolt in the brat's head. Voldermort sneered. Perhaps the runt had gotten it when he had fallen out of his mother's useless arms, or even in birth. Such birthmarks happened from time to time, he knew. Snorting in derision, he plucked up the insolent little thing and held him up to the eerie moonlight that filtered from the half-open curtains of the nursery window.

"Harry James Potter," Voldermort whispered softly.

He was unable to suppress a wry grin as he gave the boy what he thought was an appropriate title. After all, he made his own title out of his name so it was only fit that his adversary receive one just before he killed him. His eyes lit up with a demonic glint as an idea struck him.

"Harry James Potter," He repeated, this time sarcastically. "The Boy Who Died!"

All of a sudden, something completely unexpected happened. The stupid baby actually gurgled a laugh and wriggled in Voldermort's calloused hands! The Dark Lord could not believe it. Had the brat actually found the name funny? Was he mocking Voldermort even as the Dark King was about to slay him? Fuming, Voldermort held the baby in one hand and drew out his wand in the other.

Scowling, he held his wand at the ready and his lips parted to utter the Killing Curse.

"_Avada Kaver..."_

Time froze.

The earth stood still.

Voldermort blinked in confusion as the young Harry Potter smirked and winked knowingly at him.

Suddenly, the world resumed with a loud clap of thunder and brilliant flash of bright light as...

...Harry James Potter spouted a fountain of green baby pee onto the Dark Lord's forehead. The Dark Lord's eyes widened in terror and Harry Potter gurgled with baby laughter as only a baby could. His mother had forgotten to put him on the potty because of the war and Harry needed to go pee very badly. Of course, the young one never knew that relieving himself relieved the entire world of the worst Dark Lord in a century.

Voldermort screamed in agony as the pee plopped onto his forehead in dramatic slow motion like a bad action movie leeching off 300 graphics. Reeling backwards to avoid the disgusting liquid, the Dark Lord failed to take precautionary methods for his wand tilted to an odd angle. It struck the pee and bounced back onto the evil tyrant ending his life for the next decade.

Somehow, as if by magic, the young baby soon to be known as The Boy Who Lived – floated gently into the cradle and promptly fell asleep. An aged Headmaster and Leader of the Light would find him soon and would thus begin the most spectacular adventures of all time, leading to an epic battle between the forces of good and evil. But for now, the Potter Heir was content. Even though he subconsciously missed his mommy and daddy, he was satisfied that he had done his part to save the world from the bad man who had fallen dead at his feet.

Little did he know just what exactly he had gotten into!

**The End!**

**Author's Note:** There you have it! Hope it wasn't too painful or silly to read. This was basically just for fun but I used my imagination to provide info about why the Longbottoms weren't chosen (aside from the facts) and why the Potters were. I hope you liked it and thanks for reading!


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